6: it's a december thing

it's december 2010.

the nights are getting colder. your happiness, loneliness, or apathy gets multiplied tenfold.

if you don't have someone to come home to (or if that someone is thousands of miles away), your longing for that person grows.

still hanging onto an old memory? they will just flash back as if it was yesterday.

this is where i come in.

rewind december 2008: i was dumped by some girl.

fast forward to present: i walk along the places i used to see her, along this plot of land in manila called dapitan.

i'd suddenly rise from sleep and suddenly depart from our house and i'd walk along araneta avenue, head on to dapitan via banawe, then walk straight until i'd reach her school where i used to meet her on afternoons just to talk and share the cookies, brownies and other baked sweets she makes.

and yet again, it's like the wounds supposedly heal and here i am with the cutter to open it up again.

how emo. yech.

it's a december thing. nights are colder, emotions are multiplied tenfold.

goodbye, goodnight.

5: i taste the sweetness in solitude, push it down my throat like pepsi blue

thursday, 12 august 2010
"17 past 7, the cold stormy night washed away the city lights...drifting away by the sea of red, white, and yellow."

this was one of those nights that i'd realize that even though i love what i'm doing, there's something that always bothers me. something's missing and you don't even know where to begin and fix it.

that sinking feeling that the world's getting cold and you're getting sicker by the moment.

after receiving news of re-structuring within the org, i kind of felt bad that the ideas that were to be initialized by our staff was to be put to naught. in just a short span of time, we were gaining ground on making our section as one where filipino netizens would read our articles as a primary news source.

but no. that was not to be.

even worse, a sudden sickness came around. probably flu-like symptoms from all the work i pushed myself to do, but at the time i'm writing this, i'm doing fine now.

probably another complication is that i can't separate work from my personal life right now. i've been trying to make friends (or at least a harmonious working environment) with those around me, but it seems that it's not really working out as i wished to.

just to get everything off my head, i played 1-2-3 on a random bus i rode in that ended around lrt-gil puyat (buendia). along edsa, i tried to get my head straight by looking at different billboards, the gloomy skyline on a stormy night, and the random people around me. eventually, with the sickness i was experiencing, i fell asleep on the turnaround.

luckily, i was able to hop on another bus headed to lawton. (and from this time on, i paid for my fare.)

taft avenue doesn't feel like the home i used to roam around in the 4+ years i spent there getting my degree. the places that i've learned to love there has slowly disappeared from my sight. the hollowed-out soul of the place is getting more obvious. (if i'd ever go back to greenhills, i'd probably feel the same)

to block out the empty sinking feeling, i closed my eyes again and woke up when my stop came around.

finally, after all that much detours i've made, i headed home on a bus that would pass by our part of the metro.

funny to note that with this round trip i took, i passed by almost all the schools that played in that day's uaap men's basketball doubleheader (so the games were as follows: ust vs. ue; feu vs. adamson) at araneta.

"minutes after midnight...the calm insues in the sea...no longer red, white, and yellow."

[this entry contains excerpts from "the sea of red white and yellow," a spoken word piece by diego de la paz]